Wednesday, April 8, 2009

"R" Angel

Where do I start? People ask me how I am feeling. I always just say "ok". I think my true feelings are out of most people's realm of feelings and should never have to even try to understand what losing a baby/child is like . I feel like I have lost the battle and the war. When I know that's not true. I lost the battle but won the war. I will have eternal happiness with Remi in Heaven. That's how I like to think of it. At 25 years old I have had to make some decisions that no one should ever have to make. I know my little girl and wife were both suffering, I was suffering. The doctors told us that Remi would declare herself for the better or worse. On Monday April 6 we woke up and Remi had yet another infection on her diaper area. We also had a new nurse that wasn't too emotionally attached to Remi. I could see all the signs right when I walked in that PICU room that morning, I got queasy. I was right, things started happining - O2 levels started dropping, blood pressure dropped, she was letting the ventilator do all the breathing, and more. She was basicaly maxed out on medication and the doctor said that she didn't want to give her very much more. Her body had declared itself, and I want to be clear, she did not give up. At that point Amy and I had to make the biggest decision of our lives. We chose to let her go peacefully to Heaven right from our arms and not some hospital bed.
Amy and I are dealing well. My new saying is that we are doing as well and we can or should be.
Stay tuned for the meaning of "R" Angel

Good Morrow,


  1. Please know that you are in my constant thoughts and prayers!

    God Bless,

    COLE Prayer Team

  2. Know that you are in my thoughts & prayers. May God comfort you & give you His peace. God bless you!

    C.O.L.E. (Caring Openly, Loving Eternally) Prayer Team

    Marilyn Long

  3. Amy and Ben, (And the entire Remer Family)

    Words can not express our deepest sadness and sympathy for you. It is so difficult to understand God's ways. Please know we are thinking of you and are here if you need anything.

    Love to you all,
    Karen and Pete Kasper

  4. You are in my prayers. You are never alone. Let God help you through the days and nights. God bless.

    C.O.L.E. Prayer Team
    Brian's mom ... my bestest boy forever 11.13.1985~01.10.1990

    Judy Bouwens

  5. Ben and Amy
    I cannot begin to imagine how you are feeling, so I am not going to ask. I just want to tell you that I found a really cute poem yesterday when I found out that Remi went to heaven. It's called "Tiny Angel". I think it's amazing that I found the perfect poem for your angel before you posted your latest blog (titled "R" Angel). She really is an angel to be connecting so many people from far and wide. Here is the poem:

    Tiny Angel

    Tiny Angel rest your wings
    sit with me for awhile

    How I long to hold your hand,
    And see your tender smile.

    Tiny Angel, look at me,
    I want this image clear...

    That I will forget your precious face
    Is my biggest fear.

    Tiny Angel can you tell me,
    Why you have gone away?

    You weren't here for very long...
    Why is it, you couldn't stay?

    Tiny Angel shook her head,
    "These things I do not know...
    But I do know that you love me,
    And that I love you so"

    I just thought that was perfect for you because she was truly loved by you and yours, and she loved you too. So please take care and remember you have so many people on your side for anything you may need. Stay strong and know that you are in our hearts and prayers.


  6. Ben & Amy,

    I posted a comment yesterday but I cannot help myself. As soon as I heard the news yesterday morning I was devastated for the both of you. Although I did not know Remi, and I do not know Amy that well either, I am constantly grieving for you. No one should have to go through what you both have been through. I could not get your family out of my mind yesterday, and towards the end of the day the thoughts and feelings I was experiencing were so overwhelming, I could not help but imagine what I would do without my son Michael. I broke down to tears of just the thought of loosing him. I am so terribly sorry for your loss and feel for you.
    For as long as I can remember it has always been Ben and Amy! And then God gave you Remi. He blessed you both with her. She will touch your lives forever and will always be with you. The strength that lies within.

    Once again, may God be with you during this time.

    Lisa Davis

  7. Ben and Amy,
    I just wanted to thank you for sharing Remington with all of us. I did not get to meet her, but I felt like I knew her through your words that you posted everyday. I continue to pray for you and your family. May God be with you and provide comfort for you.

    ~Brittany Pawlowicz

  8. I am so sorry for your loss. I will be praying for you and your husband.